9 Ways to avoid a startup

Posted on January 30, 2008. Filed under: Free tips | Tags: , |

No startupLets see some of the ways in which you can avoid joining a startup and also skip an interview call from them. After all why should anyone prefer a startup instead of a big outsourcing dependent Services based giant?

Disclaimer: Most of the ideas collected from personal experiences.

* Don’t follow the time

Tell the startup guy that you will attend a telephonic interview at 4 pm. But do something and make sure, your cellphone is not reachable. Finally at 7 pm, tell him to call the next day same time. Poor guy will call you again at 4 pm not knowing that this is going to be in an infinite loop.

* Ask about salary/onsite even before the interview

It is well known that startups that are in bootstrapping mode cannot offer big salary. Also, they won’t have onsite opportunities. So ask this as the first question even before you are being called for an interview.

* When in doubt don’t pick your cellphone

You get a call from a startup. The guy has explained you left and right about his business plan, roadmap etc. Tell him that you will get back to him in a couple of days. But don’t revert back at all. After 4-5 days, when the same guy calls you again, bang you should have stored his mobile and landline number right. DON’T ANSWER THAT CALL. It is a virus and can affect your US dream permanently.

* Give very confident answers during the interview

Question: Rate yourself in java

Your answer should be: 9.9/10

Question: What is serialization

Your answer: Even if you don’t know the answer, be silent as if you don’t want to answer to questions from the startup guy.

* Ask great questions

Are you confident that your idea would succeed? Assume you lose all your clients next week, what will you do? Why you are not doing any projects like my company? Ask all these questions, which you cannot dare to ask your current employer. Any startup guy is born to answer such questions.

* Tell them 5 minutes is a big time

If a startup guy calls you at 4:05 pm instead of 4:00 pm, tell him that you were waiting for 5 mins. You can also tell him to call the next day, since you have planned something else. But hey don’t forget this. A big MNC has called you and 5000 more engineers like you for a walkin. You have to spend your whole day over there with your resume and all your and your fathers document. Of course, it is worth to wait in line to join an MNC than to join a startup right!

* Tell him you will help him in getting clients also

No matter, whether you are a fresher or have just < 2 years of experience, tell him you will help him out by getting clients. Tell him, you will only join at the top level and not as an engineer.

* Part time is for fun

Few startups are so desperate that they will nod their head even if you just work part time for them. But hey, this part time is just for fun. Keep telling lots of stories like how your internet connection used to be good when you were a child and how it sucks nowadays, why Java is better than BASIC, and don’t do anything for 2 weeks. Then one fine day, tell them that you don’t like their work or even better “Due to personal reasons, I am relocating to delhi. I will be busy with this. So DON’T DISTURB ME”.

* US is the world and India is sure to die

If the startup guy happens to be your friend, tell him that your current employer has promised you an US visa in 2020 and that you will continue to serve for him, no matter whether you are doing a great work or just another cheap labour doing just another outsourced work.

Advantages of avoiding a startup

  • You continue to enjoy your bench period in your big company.
  • You will get lot of junk emails to forward to other group of junks
  • When you tell your company name to your relative, they will say “wow. When are you america going!!!”. But always keep your salary secret.
  • You can use the best in-class commercial products, that will make you more and more dumb.
  • If you work for 18 hours a day continuously for 15 days, you will get a pizza on your 16th day.
  • If you work like this for more than a year, you will get a 3k raise in your pay. But remember there will be a TDS of 1K on that.

Please add your own ways in the comments section.


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14 Responses to “9 Ways to avoid a startup”

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Wonderfully sarcastic post! But as long as the economy needs these companies, they will continue to strive 😛

Simply Superb!
Nice work, dude !

very funny. The new India needs a culture of people giving it their all working for a startup and dreaming big. Thanks for highlighting this in a different vein.

hey Prabhu,
Nice post…. The last 6 points are very true… especially, forwarding forwarded messages….

next point : After sitting idle for a day on bench one big headache is absolutly free.. Just like me.. 😦

I have some more points on “Advantages on avoiding a startup” –

* You will get an AC office with a separate cubicle…

* You will get free lunch and dinner. But to get free dinner you have to work late nights (or vice-versa)…

* Your parents can proudly say thousands of people are working in the company so it’s not going to close down…

* your business card or email matters e.g. xyz@google.com oh, you work in Google.. aha..!!

* You will get salary on time, even if you are on bench.

* Your company name looks good on your bharatmatrimony.com/shaadi.com profile.

* Your girlfriend won’t ditch you…

These are all based on my personal experience… being working in a startup. Will update more as and when I notice them….

Hi Rupesh..
(Exp. about my company) You can also get free net connection.. so do anything on net, write your blogs, chat with your buddies.. and also do the time pass in stablish company.. and just wait for 7:30 PM and you can get your dinner also free… 😀
Oh yah.. today is sal day.. i m going to check my bank a/c.. 😉

Free net connection in a services company. I doubt so. May be you will be allowed just the Google homepage, after which every other page will be blocked for some reason or the other. like webmail, cricket, porn, anonymizer, non-productive stuffs, non-microsoft, open source related … But in a startup, you have freedom to do anything, even watch ??? movies!

-tell your startup friend that you reach office at 3:30 pm and leave at five. And ask him if the startup can match it.

-tell him that you talked to a consultant over lunch who gets 2000 pounds a day for the work he’s doing now, and you are ready to do the same for 10% of the fee

-tell him that you have always wanted to startup too, and if he gives you 50% of the equity, you’ll start working on the weekends.

-ask him if they give sodexho coupons

Love Rupesh’s ‘Girlfriend ditching’ point 😀

After a long time got some post which force
you to laugh :)) Good Job

Really an eye-opening post. Great work!

[…] matured that people don’t seem to differentiate a small garage startup Vs Google. Infact, this blog post of mine is based entirely on my personal experience in trying to hire people in […]

Wow, fantastic blog structure! How long have you ever been
running a blog for? you made running a blog glance easy.
The full glance of your site is wonderful, as neatly
as the content!

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